Excerpt from A General Theory Of Love
It’s also halfway-through-the-month day (thereby making it February’s hump day—hilarious). It’s also when I write an annual blog post pertaining to my views on relationships. It also just happens to be Valentine’s Day. Magic.
There often comes a point in time when we ask ourselves a very poignant question—why am I doing this? It can really refer to anything. Like right now, why am I writing this blog post? (Why in God’s green earth…) Well, for one thing, my OCD kicks in every once in a while, so I appease it by feeding it patterns. In this case; a yearly rant. I suppose it’s these very patterns that bring this very poignant question to mind.
The question is terrifying. It makes you think (heaven forbid). All of a sudden you need a explanation for something we all know you were hoping would slip by unnoticed. Why would we all know that? Because we all do it. However, one thing I find much more terrifying than the question, is when the question is never asked.
So, switching gears, this post goes out to the onlookers, the supporters, and the bystanders of any dating relationship they are not a part of, which is really all of us (power to the third wheel!). Here I am to give four problematic scenarios I feel no one is asking questions about. Let’s dive in:
Jack and Jill have characteristics X and Y respectively. A friend of either would say these characteristics, although opposing, work together and balance each other out. Aren’t those two perfect for each other? Heart.
Now this seems totally harmless until we look at scenario two.
Jack and Jill have characteristics X and Y respectively. A friend of either would say these characteristics are much too opposite and abrasive together. They probably aren’t the best for each other. Boo.
Yikes. The next two are similar.
Jack and Jill both have characteristics X. A friend of either would say this characteristic is magnified by the relationship and the passion both have will push them farther. Aren’t those two perfect for each other? Heart.
Jack and Jill both have characteristics X. A friend of either would say this characteristic is creating an unconscious competition between them and when one wins, the other will fade away. They probably aren’t the best for each other. Boo.
I’ve seen plenty of real life examples of each of these. Can no one else see this is ridiculous? Okay yes, I suppose it depends on what these characteristics are and in what capacity, but let’s put them aside. These scenarios could be about anything. Like I said, this post goes out to the third-wheelers. Because more often than not, the one variable that changes ‘Aren’t those two perfect?’ to ‘They probably aren’t the best' is the friend's attitude toward the relationship. And that attitude is powerful.
Perhaps I got too intense there? Let me back up and talk real. Friends, let’s be careful with these precious romantics around us, yeah? I know we all feel the right to warn people of their pitfalls, but the scenarios I highlighted above basically shows we really have no idea! No matter how gifted we feel we are or how much insight we feel we have, two characteristics can do as much to separate as they can to complement. The point is we have this innate ability to twist any observation or information to our own ends—and it often goes unnoticed. Ask the question.
So, what do we do then? Be friends. A friend should care more about the person than the relationship. Don’t you see? If someone starts focusing on what they feel about their friend’s relationship, that’s an abuse to their friendship. Because it’s not about their friendship anymore. Be friends, and the chaff will rise on its own. I guarantee it. As iron sharpens iron.
It’s only out of a close mutual friendship that correction can be understood, not just followed for the sake of some third-party entity. How close is close? For guys, if you are completely comfortable partaking in a conversation while in adjacent stalls in a crowded washroom, you’re good.
Gals, no clue.
Just love the person. Happy Valentine’s Day!
This is my own composition notebook homework assignment in progress. Professor Chewbacca reflects on the crayon experience. I’ve inked it and now I’m coloring it in
I like to figure out problems in my composition notebook using drawing and slow writing and non-photo blue pencil to help me with certain problems that defy being approached head on. I’ve found there is something to moving ones hand in a certain way — like a coloring way— while filling in a space and half thinking and half not-thinking about this something you are trying to figure out that invites possible answers to present themselves..
This is beautiful. Yes, I agree with this wholeheartedly.
Makes me happy every time.
Here ‘tis—Reminisce, a Christmas EP from Homestead. Have a listen! Share it on all y’alls’ walls and twitter twerps.
So, this is happening soon… Reminisce—a Christmas EP from Homestead